23 Weeks to go

This pregnancy has been more than challenging for me. It started off OK with me just being tired, then I hit the 6 week mark and it all came tumbling down. I got hit with some major morning sickness which ended up being all day sickness including waking up in the middle of the night with the room spinning and me trying to fall back asleep. I would have been able to handle this better except for the two small children I have who were always at my feet wanting something so instead of laying there and being miserable I had to force myself to keep going. I kept looking forward to that 12 week mark where they said it would all go away...it didn't.  Fast forward to week 17 which is now and I am still feeling somewhat miserable. I am still sick, I have to pee about 8 times a night, sleep is so miserable for me, I feel as huge as a house, and I already feel like I have gained too much weight, oh and did I mention that I am beyond cranky?

 I know this is a time when I am supposed to feel pretty and glowing...eh more like I don't understand where all this back fat came from and is that another stretch mark? And I don't mean to write this blog for a pity party, I just need a place to vent. 

So now for the great things that are happening, Steve gets to find out what we are having next week, the baby is kicking a lot lately, and the boys love to come up and kiss my belly and say hi to the baby. I'm still so moody though, ready for those happiness hormones to kick in. Happy Wednesday friends :)

Strong Women

Her being sassy!

Meet my Granny. Born Mary Carolyn the  youngest of six kids in 1933 in Georgia, a real southern peach. Some of the major things happening that year include Hitler coming into rule, prohibition ending, Hoover becoming president, Albert Einstein coming to America as a refugee from Germany, and most of the country was trying to deal with the Great Depression. My Granny has become a huge symbol of strength for me. She married my grandfather at a young age and got pregnant right away. Six children later (one who died still-born) she had to raise her children with a very selfish husband who was never there. Eventually the two got divorced, and then secretly married, and then separated again and there is no doubt in my mind that he is her one true love. And while I won't go into everything that she has had to deal with in him as a husband I am extremely amazed she has turned out to be the lady she has. Out of her five remaining kids she totally had her hands full. My aunt Martha seemed like an angel on the outside, but she secretly tortured my mom to death, my mom was a little hellion in her own way hanging out with all her boys cousins, she always got in a lot of trouble. I think my uncle Huey was pretty calm but my uncle Mark has been on drugs and alcohol most of his life, and the baby my uncle Travis has the biggest heart and a mouth to match. They all fight like cats and dogs with each other, but if one is in trouble they all have each others backs. 

My Granny is truly one of the sweetest ladies I have ever know, and although she never had any money she was not short on making sure we had full stomachs and lots of cakes to eat on when we came to visit. I really got to know her about 5 years ago when she made a huge trip up to NYC to come see me. She was the cutest little lady walking around trying to charm everyone with her sweet southern talk. She loves her grandkids all nine of us and she loves her great grandkids even more there are almost 8 of them. I love this lady so much, I hate that she is so far away from me and getting older. But she loves God with all of her heart so I know we will always have eternity together.

Isn't she amazing!

Meet my mother, Theresa Faye. She was born in Miami the second child of six in 1951. Some of the fun things I found that happened that year was The Catcher in the Rye is first published, I love Lucy makes its television debut, and Audrey Hepburn stars in Gigi. There was also a lot of nuclear testing that year for some reason.

My mother had a tough childhood, dealing with a father who was never there but worked them to death when he was and took their money when they got paid. She also had a sister that she loved but felt like was the favorite of the family and three young brothers that she felt like she needed to always bail out of trouble. She moved out of the house at age 18 to try and escape it and married her high school sweetheart. He turned out to be an alcoholic who was having an affair with her best friend. My mom decided to stay with him and one Saturday night he asked Christ to come into his life only for him to die the next afternoon. She was about 5 months pregnant with a little boy who she lost because of the grief. A friend talked her into going into college where she meet my dad (yay!) and they got married not too long after meeting.

My mom is the second strongest woman I know. She has had to deal with so much and is still a sane person. Being married to my father hasn't been the easiest for her either and although they love each other very much they too have had their battles. She has taught me so many things, like how to be a strong woman, to stand up for what I believe in, and to stand up for others. To help those in need even if I have to give up so much of what I have because they need it more. She taught me to love God with all of my heart, and even though things don't always go my way or I won't always understand what answers He gives us to never give up on Him. I have been truly blessed to have her as my mother, and although I frustrate her more than anything she still helps me out all the time. I love you MOM!

so cute!

And there is me, Elizabeth Caroline. The only child born in the fabulous 1980's in Tennessee.  During this year the summer Olympics are boycotted in Moscow, Pac Man is released, CNN is launched and Ronald Reagan becomes president, a dingo takes a baby, everyone gets to figure out the long awaited question of who shot JR, and sadly John Lennon is murdered. 

I had a great childhood, and although there is plenty I don't remember I always felt loved and very happy. Even my crazy teen years didn't leave too much of a scar on me, I had a great mom who would always listen and help me work things out. And even though I didn't always want the advice she always had something insightful to say. I have definitely had my moments where I have had to learn to become a strong woman myself, but I am glad that I didn't have to go through what my mom and granny went though. I only hope my kids will think I am a great mommy one day like I think those two ladies are. I still have a lot of learning to do. HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!!



baby bump already showing!



Parenthood

Who would have thought a little more than 4 years ago I would start my journey as a mother? For those of you who knew me best I imagine lots of laughter when just the thought of it would come up. I was totally not the mommy type, my interests being where I worked, what I wore, what friends I was going to hang out with that weekend,and where was the next fun place I could move to. And if I am completely honest about it I was extremely immature, bills being paid late, going to work late, bounced checks, the list goes on. And then after almost 2 full months of being married I saw those two little pink lines...wow! I won't even repeat what I screamed for a good full two minutes after, and when I called Steve I was close to hysterical. Then almost 8 months later (Asher was three weeks early) came this screaming, screaming bundle of joy. And that little bundle kept screaming night and day for the next three months. I did lots of crying with him during this time and didn't know if I would make it. Then something magical happened, it all stopped and I had this smiling child who would make my heart swell every time I looked at him.

Being a mommy has been one of the best things that could have happened in my life, besides being married to my wonderful husband. I love having kids, these little mini versions of myself and my husband are so great. I would love to have so many more just to see how many variations of ourselves we can get. It is so amazing to me how these two boys came from the same parents and are yet so completely different. These boys bring so much joy into my life, and yes they are really tough to deal with at times, times when I don't know how I will make it through the day but in the end it is all worth it. To see them look at me with this insane amount of love can bring me to tears every time that someone  loves me that much. Of course I hold back those tears so people don't think I'm crazy but I love those two little guys to the moon and back. I can't wait to meet this next baby to start this crazy time of sleepless nights and even crazier days all over again. I just hope that he/she (please be a she haha) is laid back, I could use a little of that now. 


Hope you guys have a great week, give your mom lots of hugs when you see her, you know this is totally how she feels about you.

My Best Friend

I write so much about my children and myself but I dont ever get to talk about my best friend. My husband is the most amazing man in the world. I think he is the hottest man I have ever met in my entire life, and I dont mind telling anyone that whenever I'm describing him. I first saw Steve when I was in high school and his brother was giving him a tour of our school. I was so amazed by how hot he was that when they were walking towards me I ran away because I knew there was no way I would be able to talk to him. You would often find me in his brother's office (he was our youth pastor) just staring at a picture of him, and of course I would deny it if ever asked. The second time I saw him in person was at his brother's wedding, which he says I talked to him then but I am pretty sure I didn't. That was my senior year of college and life happened after that with me moving to NYC a year later. 

I had so much fun in New York, in fact Steve and I have talked about moving back there when the kids are older, but anyway something kept pulling me back to North Carolina. Right when I decided to move back I heard that Steve was moving to North Carolina too, and thought maybe my move back won't be so bad after all. After somewhat getting to at least talk to each other at a friends house and some witty texting we went on our first date. Fast forward three amazing weeks later and we were married. 

I am so blessed to have Steve as my husband, not only did God give me the man of my dreams but also gave me a loving father to my boys, a hard worker so that I can stay at home, and a man who loves God more than anyone I know. He is so kind and gentle with me, and so rough and tough and loving with his boys. He makes me laugh so hard even though to most he might seem quite or serious, and we have tons of funny inside jokes that get us laughing like kids at just the thought of them. He truly makes me feel so secure with our relationship and when I look in his eyes I know that he only loves me. Anytime we dress up I get that same funny feeling in my stomach I got all those years ago when I first saw him. I know I always have a goofy grin on my face and then he catches me and laughs at how silly I am. He completely accepts me for who I am, bad moods and all, and I do mean all because there is a lot. I really am the happiest lady on earth.

i love this man!

the picture i would stare at all the time, isnt he so hot

my best friend today :) still hot as ever

Lent

I hope everyone had a great Easter! I had a pretty good one myself, got to hear a great message, my dad took us out to my favorite place to eat (I seriously want to eat there everyday now), and we got to do a fun easter egg hunt with the boys.

This was the first year that I actually finished a full Lent without completely giving up on my fast, but I did a little something different this year. I knew being pregnant it would be really difficult to try and give something up considering my wants of food varied each day. I know I have other options of giving up music or TV but that mostly consists of children's stuff anyway and I dont know how much my kids would understand giving that up for 40 whole days, I also dont think my sanity could handle it either. This year I decided to add something into my life, I decided to read the bible every day for the 40 days. And not just read a chapter a day type thing I followed a Lent devotional on my ipod. 

The first few days were great, actually the whole thing was really great but there were times when I was so exhausted at the end of the day it was a struggle to hold my eyes open during those readings. I also had many nights where I was so sick on my stomach that the reading had to be doubled up on the following day which I felt bad about but I felt like God understood. The great thing that happened was I was really starting to understand scripture, which I have never really done before. Here is my big confession, I have never been a huge bible reader before. I mean sure I would try and read a chapter here and there but it usually ended up with me speed reading, not remembering what I had read, and mostly not trying to apply it to my life. But this time I was truly enjoying what I had read and I was reading christian commentaries about the scriptures that I was reading and it was so inspiring. 

This is something that is totally new to me and I am so hooked. I cant wait to start another devotional set and see where it takes me. So I hope your Lent went just as well and that you learned something about yourself too. And if you didnt do a Lent I encourage you to try one next year, see where God can take you. Here are some pictures of the boys from our easter egg hunt. I love these guys they are so cute :)

Can you tell that Soren was super excited about each egg he found? Big brother got most of them but I dont think he noticed.

Boy or Girl

I decided long before I got pregnant again that I did not want to know the sex of the baby. I have tons of reasons for doing this, I love the surprise, I don’t want to cry if its another boy, hearing about all the old wives tales on how to tell is fun to try instead of really knowing, I already have all the boy stuff I need so if it is another boy it doesn’t really matter anyway, and on and on. I think my biggest reason though is this is my last chance for a girl and I plan on hoping and praying as much as I can up until the delivery that this baby will be that nice surprise. Don’t get me wrong I love love LOVE my boys with all of my heart. There is something so special about both of them and I know that another little boy would bring me so much joy. I just really really really want a little girl.

My whole body feels like something is missing right now because I don’t have a girl. Yes girls are divas, dramatic, and will want all of my husbands attention but I don't care. Bring it on is what I say, I will take all of that for a little girl. Ok so maybe I am being a little dramatic myself, but I am ready and I think I can handle pretty much anything I mean I do have two boys and they keep me on my toes, what is a little princess going to do ;) My want for a little girl has even gone as far as following a book on how to choose the sex of your baby.

And I know, statistically speaking my chances of having a girl is only 20% and that girls do not run in my husbands family (my niece Ana is the first girl born in almost 40 years.) I also know that I cannot go by my pregnancies, because Asher and Soren were completely different from my morning sickness to heart rates. So as of now I am going to hold on to my hope of a little girl because the ring test said girl, the hair line test said girl, and a quiz I took said girl. I tried doing the nub theory but I cannot tell if its part of the leg or not so I am going to rule that one out, plus its only 75% accurate (and secretly I think it kinda says boy). I am also not going to go by instinct because deep down inside I think boy but that same instinct told me Soren was a girl and that Asher was too just because everyone said boy. So until October 24th we will just have to take educated guesses, except my husband, he is going to find out and not tell me. No matter what I say, I hope :)

My Big Guy

Tomorrow starts a new journey for myself and for Asher. This will be the first time EVER he will be going away without me. Since he was born I have only been a night maybe two away from him, and I am the one who has always done the going away. I mean yes he has stayed the night at my moms house quite a few times with Soren, but that was in the same town. This time my big guy is making the long journey with his dad, Uncle Doug, and cousin Cade to go visit their grandpa in PA!!!! I have so many emotions going through my head, I'm sad, I'm scared, I'm wondering how I am going to spend all of this semi-free time. I know most of this is the pregnancy hormones streaming through my veins (they haven't reared their ugly head too much but when they do whoa watch out.)

I seriously feel like overnight Asher will have grown up. My mind is racing about how I am going to feel when he leaves for college, geez I need to start thinking about now and not the future. Can you tell I am semi-freaking out here? Tonight when I had to discipline him I almost cried because my little boy is leaving me. I also stayed in his bed and snuggled with him longer than I should have because I won't get that time at night with him for 3 long days. He has absolutely no idea how emotional I am right now, but I will have a brave face tomorrow when I say see you in a few days. I will only cry when no one is looking, or I might just be a blubbering idiot. I really do love my little man so much.

And of course I haven't forgotten about how much I will miss my husband. I always feel like my much better half of me is missing. And I know I won't be able to sleep at night in the bed all by myself. I should have recorded his snoring so in the middle of the night I can punch my pillow man I will make in his place and say "babe your snoring roll over."

So for the next 3 days I will be completely lost, not knowing what to do with all my alone time with Soren, maybe he can finally learn how to say the alphabet on his own, he has been trying to hard. Here are some cute pictures of my guys I took for easter, enjoy!!!!