My life as I know it

My countdown is on, like literally I only have 4 weeks left and if this little person is anything like one of he/she’s older brothers it means an early arrival.  Asher came a little over 3 weeks early and Soren showed up 2 days early, so guessing when this baby will come is going to be fun. The next full moon is supposed to be October 12th so I am hoping for around then ha!

I have so many emotions going on right now and yes I can blame some on the hormones but most of them are just about the unexpected. I am more than excited and nervous about this labor. Both my previous labors were completely done in the hospital but this time I am going to stay at home as long as I can.  I am nervous about the pain and that I won't be strong enough to do this drug-free. I'm nervous about how the hospital will react to a natural birth, as well as the doctor who will be on rotation that day. 

I am more than excited to meet this little person inside of me. I'm ready to know if I really am having another boy (I'm 99% sure that is the case, and I am completely ok with that), or if a little girl is in my future, which I think scares me more than having another boy. I'm ready to see who this child looks like and how the older two will react. I'm more than ready to hold this child and snuggle with it as much as I can.  I'm ready to start our life as a family of 5.

I am totally not ready to see what this pregnancy has done to my body. I know that there is going to be a lot of hard work I am going to have to do to get my body back in shape. And this might sound superficial but I worked hard to be in shape and did nothing about it to keep it up while pregnant. I can only blame myself for this and trust me I do, but I am also trying to be realistic about what I can and cannot do. 

And so this is my life as I know it, full of nervousness, fear, excitment, anxious waiting, and so much joy.  Everyday I look at my boys in such awe loving them more and more and I can't wait to share that love with one more little person.  

My New Fav Dish!!!

This baby has been really funny about what he/she wants me to eat J Once I find a meal I like this child loves for me to eat it until my whole family is sick of the same meal ha! So recently I have been craving Olive Garden's Steak Gorgonzola-Alfredo but my husband will not pay $15.50 a plate every time I am craving it so I decided to try and make it myself. So here is how I make it, you will have to do the portions for your family.

I start out with thin steaks (but whatever size you choose will works this is just a very filling meal) so that I can cut them into thin strips and soak them in balsamic vinegar for about 30 minutes (this replaces their glaze since I don't know how to make it). While cooking the steaks I also saute some spinach with it and set it aside. I also cook my angel hair pasta according to how much my family will eat, then I heat up the alfredo sauce (I use Bertolli's its the best I have found for this) throw in a bunch of gorgonzola cheese (the more the better for me), as well as a few finely chopped up sun-dried tomatoes. I then mix this with the pasta and top it with the steak and spinach last. Sorry I don't have a picture of what it looks like, it normally gets all eaten up before I can get one, my family loves it! Try it out let me know what you think :)

Bon appetit friends!

I'm Sorry....

For the past few weeks I have been meaning to write about how peaceful my house has been lately. We had a relatively painless move, the boys were learning to play so great together, and they were listening when I asked them to do things pretty much the first time, my life felt almost perfect. Then last week hit and something just happened with my whole family. Now my days are filled with "stop fighting", "give that back to him", "go to bed! quit playing!", you get the picture. Some days I don't know how I am going to make it being a momma to boys. There are so many things I don't get about them like the constant wrestling, having to always win (OK I get that one a little), and I especially do not understand sibling rivalry.

I feel like my days are filled with constant frustration on my part and even more repeating what I have said more times than I care. When I ask the boys why they don't listen the first time all I get are shrugs of the shoulders or I don't know. I have tried to be as patient as I can be, showing grace as much as I can, and taking a step back with my attitude. Then today happened, and it seems like all my hard work got shot to hell.

I know that I should not feel guilty when my kids make the wrong choice and I have to discipline them. But when those doe eyes are looking up at you filled with tears and I take a step back to see if the punishment is fitting to the crime and then to realize I have been more harsh than I should be guilt floods me. I end up having a worse day than my kids who have already forgotten what they did and being yelled at or spanked.

I know that I am not a perfect mom, wife, or person and that no one expects me to be. But I want to be the best mom my kids can have. I want them to know that I love them more than I love my own life and I have nothing but their best interest at heart. I want them to feel so secure when they are with me knowing that no matter what I will stick up for them through thick and thin and love them regardless of what they do wrong or right. And so because I want all of these things I am not afraid to tell my kids I'm sorry. I can sit them down and tell them that mommy shouldn't have been as upset as I was and to ask for them to forgive me. I make sure we all hug as much as possible each day even when we fight with each other and that we always tell each other how much we love each other. I'm not perfect and neither are my kids but we all love each other so much, and letting my kids know that I am not the perfect person will help them grow up to be more forgiving of others when bad things come their way.